The thing with a good book is that it never gets “old,” and is always relevant. Such is the book Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a family counselor and popular radio host whose show is syndicated internationally.
Dr. Laura’s book, first published in 1994, remains timely because many women still do “some stupid things” at one point or another in their lives.
Dr. Laura has inspired us to compile our own list of “Eleven Stupid Things Women Do.” Some of the traits cited on this list were culled from Dr. Laura’s book. Others came from websites that offer relationship advice.
We are certain that women (and men too) commit stupid mistakes that are not on this list but here are some of the things we can avoid if we want to have a happy and uncomplicated life.
1. Having wrong ideas about "courtship"
Dr. Laura says women who are desperate to have a man often make rash and stupid dating choices. While having someone attracted to us is an “enormous ego gratification,” Dr. Laura says women should avoid being on the “loser track” by falling for an “inappropriate man.”
She says dating should be about selecting and getting to know the right person instead of committing ourselves too quickly to the wrong person.
2. Being excessively devoted to the wrong person
Dr. Laura says women can sometimes be obstinate and remain devoted to guys who are not worth it because they are disrespectful, dishonest, unfaithful, and so on. She notes that women with low self-esteem tend to force things to work out with the wrong man.
“There are two powerful motivations for making it work with the most available guy–attempting to heal past hurts and avoiding risks. Sadly, neither works for long…” she said.
3. Being too passionate
In her book, Dr. Laura says some women think, “if we’re breathing hard, it must be love.” However, she asks, “Is one night in ‘heaven’ worth the aftermath from hell?"
Dr. Laura says women must beware of the Don Juans of this world who promise to give the ladies pleasure but only set them up for pain and heartbreak. She says, “Sex never works as a hoped-for cure or anesthesia for feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, shame, loneliness, fearfulness, self-disgust, and more.”
She adds, “Sex-too-soon can end up making you feel more self-denigrated, desperate, and terribly alone.”
4. Not realizing one's worth
Dr. Laura says women sometimes do not realize their worth and let others abuse or take advantage of them. She says, “It is your job as a woman, as a person, to become as fully realized as you can by having dreams, forging a purpose, building an identity, having courage, and making commitments to things outside yourself.”
5. Not taking care of oneself
The website “Modern Mom Parenting" reminds girls that “your body is where you live and you want to treat it the best way you can.”
Elizabeth Scott, M.S. suggests “making a concerted effort to take care of your own needs, and to maintain healthy habits to keep your reserves up, can help you to feel more in control of your life.”
6. Not being courageous
Dr. Laura lamented that when bad things happen to women, they usually “feel hurt,” instead of having the courage to express a healthy and righteous anger. She said women must take active steps in redressing, improving or escaping from a bad situation.
The website “Modern Mom Parenting" says, “Always dare to say and do what you think is right. Never be afraid of speaking your mind. Learn when and how to say "No" and not feel bad about it. Be assertive, not aggressive.”
7. Being jealous and insecure
The website “Tips for Success.Org” says, “Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.”
“Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive,” it adds.
8. Being careless and immodest
Some women seem to be unaware of the danger of being sexually harassed when they dress immodestly. Writer Jeff Pollard, in an article entitled “Christian Modesty Defined,” writes, “Modesty is not first an issue of clothing. It is primarily an issue of the heart. If the heart is right with God, it will govern itself in purity coupled with humility and will express itself modestly.”
“When a woman dresses to fit into an evil and worldly society by choosing clothes that pleases the tastes of both men and women, she sins. When she dresses to entice or receive the admiring glances of the opposite sex, she defrauds and sins,” he says.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, on the other hand, says, "Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden."
9. Not being committed to a relationship
According to Top Dating Tips.com, “Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with.”
10. Being dishonest and unfaithful
The website “Psychology Today” says, “To be trusted one must behave in trustworthy ways. Never give your partner any reason to doubt your loyalty or devotion. Whenever you are away from each other check in regularly to let them know you're okay.”
11. Not being caring and compassionate
American author and poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
“Psychology Today” says, “Kindness and courtesy are perhaps the most under-valued and under-used human virtues.” It adds that controversy and conflict can be resolved with a single act of kindness. –KG, GMA News
Dr. Laura Schlessinger holds a Ph.D. in physiology from Columbia University's College of Physicians and Surgeons, and received her post-doctoral certification in Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling from the University of Southern California.
Her book Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives first published in 1994 by Vallard Books (a division of Random House), was a New York Times bestseller.
